Save Money On Your Next Global Disaster Prediction!

It’s difficult being a Climate Change Advocate these days. You’ve spent a lot of time and money putting together a new prediction of global doom and gloom by a future date, and you’ve seen the deadline come and go. You’ve issued your 12-year predictions in 1990, 2000, and 2008. The world has not yet been sufficiently panicked into hysteria, so you go back to the drawing board. It will take a lot of time and effort to erase your old computer model results and come up with new ones.

What’s a climate scientist to do?

That’s where we come in. We’re Computer Model Elite and Discreet. And we’ve got the solution for you.

Our Climate Change Computer Models are unlike any you have encountered before. They are uniquely built and can handle all of the data you throw at them.

Meet our Computer Models: Asheena, Rebecca, and Tiffany.

3 Women

No more spending months and months pouring over computer code. These models already have their own built-in logic to process your data. It’s a simple process:

  1. Collect all of your meterological and climate data.
  2. Carefully organize the data into a comprehensive worksheet, sorted by date and location.
  3. Call us up and arrange to have lunch with one of our models.
  4. On the date of your scheduled lunch, bring your data, along with a check for 10% of your grant money.
  5. Take your model to lunch and discuss the weather.
  6. Bring her back to our lab.
  7. Receive your fully climate disaster prediction within 10 business days. If we fail to meet the deadline, you get to take the model out to lunch again. Whatever.

Many of you may have questions about our computer models. We answer them below in the familiar Q&A format below. 

Q: How sensitive are your computer models?

A: They are all a bit different, depending on the model you choose:

  • Asheena is sensitive to cold, so don’t put too much ice in her drink, and definitely do not sit under one of those ceiling fans at lunch.
  • Rebecca is sensitive to animals. A kitten or purse dog will go a long way. 
  • And Tiffany is sensitive to jewelry. Bring lots of it.

Q: Is your forecasting approach based on qualitative techniques, time series analysis, or causal models?

After a team of scientists and monkeys studied the issue for the past decade, we have settled on the following time-tested technique for forecasting:

dartboard

  • The first dart is the forecast variability index.
  • The second dart is the number of years mankind has left.
  • And the third dart is how many times you will have to put in a plug for our company in all of your speeches and news reports.  

Q: Are your models focused on the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere?

A: No. They are focused on how expensive the restaurant is that you take them to lunch, so the atmosphere in the restaurant had better be luxurious. And one of the models is the daughter of the CEO, so keep your hands off.

Q: Do you stand by your models?

A: We stand by them often, but sometimes our feet get tired, so we sit down.

Q: Can our team of top programmers review the model’s code?

A: None of our models currently have codes. However, they do sometimes get the sniffles.

So pick up the phone now and call us. We can be reached at 1-800-ME-NAIVE. Ask for Guido. We will be here to help you save the planet and your career.

Guido

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To Spite Their Face

I remember a very sad story from when I was a 5-year-old. It was Halloween, and I was wearing my new, but beloved, Superman costume. This is very long ago when every kid’s costume was extremely thin material. I fell on the street and went down on my knees. It ended up tearing my costume. I felt humilitated. Here was the Man Of Steel with torn, bloody knees. It betrayed everything I aspired to in that costume. I could not be consoled, and instead just got angry. I would yell and tease the other kids in my group. This only made things worse, since the adults wouldn’t let me go to the doorsteps to collect my goodies as we went down the block. Instead of simply accepting the fact that my costume was a little damaged and going ahead with Halloween, I just made things worse. I never did get any additional candy that night.

That was a childhood error that fixed itself as I grew. Each time I got angry, I realized I could make my situation worse very easily by just giving into my anger. Although I’m definitely not perfect, I’ve learned how to respond with grace when things don’t go my way. My Christianity has taught me that. Jesus responded with grace when he was surrounded with those who wanted to take his life.

But not all actually accept this as part of their worldview. There are worldviews that simply pile anger upon anger. There is never any peace, but just retribution. There is never forgiveness, but just old, crusty bitterness. That was evidence recently in Hamas-dominated Gaza Strip.

Several weeks ago, Hamas began a protest against Israel, telling thousands of Gazans that they needed to try to breach the border with Israel and occupy parts of the country. They described this as a peaceful march, as if no one had ever read about Hamas protests of the past. Israel held them in check, killing and wounding many of the protesters.

As with many of prior protests, Hamas had two directions they could go in. They could simply stop, realize nothing would come of such violence, live at peace with Israel, and build up their culture and economy. Or they could just double down on their anger and keep protesting. As is typical of their worldview, they chose the latter.

But they did so in a way that just made things even worse for themselves. First, they declined Israel’s offer of humanitarian medical aid for the protesters. This was greatly needed, since many protesters had been wounded.

And second, they started firing rockets into southern Israel, but they did so recklessly. When I say “recklessly”, I mean “stupidly”, because they damaged the electrical infrastructure that brought electricity into Gaza. This means much of Gaza ended up without electricity.

I wonder when the inhabitants of Gaza, or the leadership for that matter, will begin to realize that cutting your nose off to spite your face is not a good national policy. But this would require a change in worldview, from unrelenting anger to a worldview where true forgiveness is possible, or even loving one’s enemies.

What a novel idea.

Oldest Archaeopteryx Fossil Challenges “Missing Link” Theory

The oldest known fossil of an archaeopteryx has been uncovered in Germany. We have actually known for some time that the archaeopteryx is not an evolutionary link between dinosaurs and birds. We have known this for quite some time. This article states that clearly.However, that myth continues to be spread by teachers and others who should know better.  

In fact, we have enough such fossils to realize that there are variations between the fossils which may indicate different species. Contrary to popular views of evolution, the fossil record shows that animal species sprung up in history all at once, fully formed, in a number of events known to scientists as fossil “explosions” (such as the “Cambrian explosion”). Instead of finding fossils that slightly change over millions of years, we simply find species that suddenly appear in the fossil record. Archaeopterys is one of them. 

It’s time we let the archaeopteryx “missing link” myth go to sleep. 

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2018/02/01/oldest-fossil-missing-link-dinosaur-discovered-in-germany.html

Study confirms: #FakeNews travels faster than real news | Watts Up With That?

In our age of sensationalism, it seems that anything that gets the attention of the crowd is what drives the news. Even if that information is proven to be false later. I’m sure there are some unscrupulous people who are taking advantage of this. This makes it even more important to investigate any claim of truth in our culture. How do we know that some quick news item is actually true?

https://wattsupwiththat.com/2018/03/08/study-confirms-fakenews-travels-faster-than-real-news/

It’s All Over For UK Science: University Professors Afraid To Teach Controversial Subjects For Fear Of Being Sacked | Watts Up With That?

There’s a great deal of fear going around these days if you do something that is either considered politically incorrect or against what liberal minded groups want. The LGBT crowd has been doing this for quite some time, which is why they exert such a strong influence despite their very small numbers. Those promoting climate change also have been successful for the same reason. 

 There seems to be a great impatience with trying to use reason and logic in arguing one’s point in winning over those who oppose you. It’s astounding that students are now able to force professors to be afraid to teach something they don’t like. 

 Eventually, truth always wins out . This is what happened to communism even after decades of an educational system in countries that denounced capitalism. But when truth is not allowed to speak, great damage is done until it finds its voice. 

https://wattsupwiththat.com/2017/07/03/its-all-over-for-uk-science-university-professors-afraid-to-teach-controversial-subjects-for-fear-of-being-sacked/

Mark Zuckerberg calls for universal basic income at Harvard speech

The concept of a guaranteed income has been around for a while. The Swiss  considered it. The Finns tried it in small measure. The Communists abandoned it. It never worked, but apparently there are people who want to see it working a capitalist context. What evidence is there that it will work this time?

Soderbergh seems to believe that people have a guaranteed income, they would be willing to take risks to try new business ideas. Some may do so. Some may simply game the system. And others might simply continue to seek after losing ventures. After all, there would be little risk in failure.

Now that we are establishing healthcare as a universal right, as wrong is that may be, here are now ideas of how to establish other lights , such as guaranteed income.

http://www.cnbc.com/2017/05/25/mark-zuckerberg-calls-for-universal-basic-income-at-harvard-speech.html

Katy Perry SEAL Smackdown: A turning point on celebrity blather?

Katy Perry said some stupid things this week about how loving everyone will stop Islamic terrorists in their tracks. This Navy Seal has a great comeback for that.

But beyond that it makes you wonder Why such things are even said in the first place. After all, we know that the Navy SEALs comment is more true than Katy Perry’s comment.

I believe it is because, in some questions, there is great peer pressure to conform. It seems to be very prominent in Hollywood. The fanbase seems to be extremely liberal, so the actors and actresses want to appease their fans. They know that if they speak differently on this topic , they will be ostracized. That doesn’t make it right, but it does make me wonder if they believe the kinds of things that they say to the public.

http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2017/05/does_the_katy_perry_seal_smackdown_mark_a_turning_point_on_celebrity_blather_.html